When To Let Go...

On my last blog, I revealed how I get my messages from the universe through songs. The songs on replay this week were “How to love” by Lil Wayne and “Holding on” by Wild Orchid (Fergie’s old group).  An odd combination (or maybe not). I didn’t know what the message was about or referring to until yesterday.

Previously, I mentioned that I was talking to an old friend who I’ll call JB. We’ve been on and off again for a long time and now we are back off again. How can an innocent ‘hello’ text from someone blow up into a World War III type crisis? Here’s how:

For the past three days, I’ve been talking to JB, trying to maintain a civil friendship.  And we were cordial.  First let me say that JB is a good guy, or he tries to be. At times, he can be caring and attentive but there is a side of him that always needs to be in control and in the two years we’ve been talking, I have never seen that side, until yesterday.

So, when I got busy and didn’t have time to stop and say ‘hello’ to him, he became upset.  I told him I was busy. Fine.  He asked me if I wanted to go away with him one weekend. I said we could hang out but we weren’t going to have sex during the trip. He blew up and accused me of ‘agreeing’ to his terms previously (his terms were that if I liked him, I’d have sex with him whenever he wanted). To this, I told him that I wasn’t ready for that and if he didn’t like it, the door was on the left

(Let me say that I have already had sex with him, but when I realized that I wanted more, if not from him than someone who was worthy, I put an end to it.  At the time, we both made it clear that we weren’t together, but when I approached him on the subject of being exclusive, he said that he wanted to keep his options open. This is when I put an end to it and stopped talking to him.)

After I told him no during yesterday’s conversation, he showed the side of himself that I’d always suspected was there, but hadn’t seen. He said that if I liked him (like not love him) then there should be no boundaries between us. That he was in control. What he said goes and he was the boss. To his I told him that I don’t like to be controlled and he needed to leave me alone.  He said he wasn’t controlling me but that I needed to be guided. (Huh?) To which I said that I was done. That if he was going to act like this when we were just friend that there was no hope and I was out. He said he didn’t want to lose me, that I was the only woman he trusted and that he didn’t know how to love. He said that he’ll change and apologized for his behavior.

Now, if I had done this to him, he would’ve dropped me faster than I could count, yet, for two years, I’ve allowed him to come in and out of my live to prove (not to me but to him) that he was worthy of love.  As I said once, sometimes lessons are repeated until you get it. Do I give him another chance or is it finally (beyond) time to let go? (of course as I type this, he just sent me a ‘hello’ text. Sigh.)

 Last week, I had a dream about JB. In it, we were on a hill top. The sky was dark and people were rushing around us, preparing for an upcoming disaster. During the chaos, he left and didn’t come back (though he said he would).  A few nights later, I dreamt that the sky was bright and I couldn’t wait to be alone with my dream guy. My dream guy wasn’t JB.

 Perhaps, I’ve been looking for a reason to stay with JB instead of looking for an exit.  So now, a new song is playing in my head : “Should I stay or should I go” by the Clash.

New Release Love Burns

http://cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/loveburns.htm

In this third and final installment of the trilogy, vampire Aria discpvers that she is pregnant. Scorpio is desperate to keep her out of the clutches of the Vampire Council. But will a secret keep them apart forever?

Excerpt:

Aria gazed at the Pacific surf that crashed against the rocks below her terrace while she drained her bottle of blood. This was her favorite time of night, 3 AM. The moon hung low in the dark blue sky. And the wind blew her long, black hair around her ebony shoulders as a sudden wave of desire washed over her. It was the kind of sexy night that made her want to do something reckless. Anything was possible since she was married to one of the most powerful vampires in the world, Scorpio Stansakopolis

Wanna play a game?

Scorpio’s telepathic voice was so low that she wasn’t sure if she’ d heard him at first; though his words suggested that he had read her thoughts. Aria slowly turned from the balcony railing, preferring to gaze at him than the Pacific surf. His long, chestnut hair circled his bare, muscular chest and shoulders, where his olive-hued skin still glistened from the heat of the shower. From where she stood, she could smell the sandalwood scent of the soap he had used. Both the sight and scent made her dizzy with desire.

He leaned casually against the doorframe that separated the balcony from the sleeping chamber. His steely blue gaze washed over her ebony skin like mist, causing her dark nipples to strain against the almost transparent gown she wore. A beige towel was wrapped around his waist. Scorpio looked like the Greek God he was, or rather, the Greek Master vampire that he was. Aria inhaled a shaky breath.

What kind of game? she asked with caution.

Never ask a Master that.

His wicked smile caused her breath to hitch and told her all that she needed to know. Who knew what this vampire had up his sleeve. When, from behind his back, he produced a blindfold, Aria was momentarily taken aback. A blindfold? She thought he would’ve been more creative than that. Given the way that he had made love to her for the last twenty hours straight.

It’s not for you.

She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. Then who’s it for?

With the snap of his fingers, his bodyguards brought a bound-and-gagged Barista into the chambers and deposited him in the center of the room. The Italian vampire squirmed in his wooden chair, yelling muffled curses at the bodyguards and Scorpio. With eyes wide, she looked at Scorpio. Her husband hated him, and so did she. Aria was surprised at his choice. She had expected another female vamp, not his rival. Scorpio had told her that the Vampire Council had asked Barista to keep tabs on her husband, but why?

Since she and Scorpio had gotten together on a steamy Halloween night, Barista had been trailing and keeping tabs on them. Aria wasn’t sure why, and Scorpio was keeping his mouth closed. She guessed it may have something to do with the fact that she could still produce a child, despite being a vampire, and perhaps, the Council had gotten wind of this news. That was her fear, and she hoped that it wasn’t so.

Returning from her thoughts, Aria gasped as Scorpio dangled the blindfold from his fingers.

“Scorpio,” she protested aloud. “What…?”

With vamp speed, he closed the distance between them and silenced her question by placing his index finger over her lips. As he kissed her, he passed the blindfold to one of the guards, who tied it around the vampire’s eyes before disappearing. Scorpio pulled away to lead her into the chamber by her hand.

Barista was asked by the Vampire Council to record our transaction. This is the only way I could think of to allow that to happen. Plus, it will be fun.

She raised an eyebrow. Fun for whom?

Why, she wondered, did the Council need their lovemaking on record? And why was she going along with this? Truth be told, he could’ve suggested anything and she would’ve tried it at least once, including her previous thought of a three-way with a female vampire.

Maybe next time…

Scorpio’s velvety baritone entered her mind smoothly as he unknotted his towel and let the soft cotton flutter to the floor. He pushed her down onto Barista’s lap. Her mouth watered when she spied his cock, nestled in his curly, brown pubic hair. He was thick and long, the way she liked it. Without prompting, she brought him to her lips and slid her tongue over the tip of his cock.