Circles

Since my last blog, I hadn’t let JB go completely. I decided to not do anything, but sit back and watch him. I had also prayed about it. I asked that if I’m supposed to let JB go, make him go away. He didn’t leave. Instead, I got daily messages from JB. Can a leopard really change his spots? Perhaps…

The thing about dealing with JB is I never know which side of him I’m going to get from one day to the next. One minute, he’s caring and sensitive. The next, he’s a complete idiot. So, I got messages ranging from him asking me to borrow money to a simple hello to if I can send him some topless pics of me. (sigh).

Last night, I asked what his life plan was. Where he wanted to be in ten years. He said he didn’t know and that’s why he needed a woman like me in his life to bring him structure. I told him. I can’t do that for him, that he needed to find that within himself first. He said he was happy but that he needed to find someone like me who will stand by him when he does “dumb shit.”

I was almost flattered (almost). Until I processed his words. He said “someone like me” and “a woman like me.” He didn’t say me. Having been a ‘tester’ for so many men over the years, I know that’s not what I want to be. For once, I don’t want to meet someone who is looking for someone like me, but is looking for me. The question is: how do I get that to happen?

JB asked me if I’ve given up on him. I told him that we can be friends, but I can’t be with him because I don’t want to keep going in circles like this. This, I told him, is also part of his pattern. That he straightens up for awhile, until he gets bored or until someone shiny walks by and he’s gone. And when he realizes it’s not as rosy over there, he comes back and expects me to be there for him. I told him that I can’t do that anymore. He said that he understands how I feel because he does do that but he’s a good person.

That’s where the conversation ended. A few years ago, I was in a two year relationship with a guy I’ll call HP. JB reminds me a lot of HP. HP was kinds but broke all the time. He had a house but it was one gust of wind away from falling over. I meet him on the bus and he was so not what I was looking for, but decided to give him a try.

He called me the best girlfriend he ever had, but in the two years we were together, but I could say the same about him. HP never once allowed me to meet his family. I was ushered out the door if his mother was coming over that day. Once, he got mad at me because he got lost trying to find my new apartment. (Of course, him getting lost while walking was my fault). After we had been dating for one year, I sprained my ankle while on my way to work. I ran into him on the bus when I was on my way to the ER. Did he get off the bus to help me? No.

The final straw (I know I should have kicked him to the curb then, but…) was when he suggested that I take lessons at a firing range because some people were after him. Now, as a country girl, I already know how to shoot guns but he kept insisting, so I told him that I was done and out. Of course, he couldn’t understand why I was leaving him.

The thing is, I’m not looking for these guys. I happy focusing on myself, taking myself to IHOP for breakfast or Red Robin for lunch and one pops up. Is there some type of repellent that I can get? Or, how do I get off this ride so that Mr. right can get to me and I don’t have to go stand by the Naval Yard like I plan to do if things don’t change soon?
　

When To Let Go...

On my last blog, I revealed how I get my messages from the universe through songs. The songs on replay this week were “How to love” by Lil Wayne and “Holding on” by Wild Orchid (Fergie’s old group).  An odd combination (or maybe not). I didn’t know what the message was about or referring to until yesterday.

Previously, I mentioned that I was talking to an old friend who I’ll call JB. We’ve been on and off again for a long time and now we are back off again. How can an innocent ‘hello’ text from someone blow up into a World War III type crisis? Here’s how:

For the past three days, I’ve been talking to JB, trying to maintain a civil friendship.  And we were cordial.  First let me say that JB is a good guy, or he tries to be. At times, he can be caring and attentive but there is a side of him that always needs to be in control and in the two years we’ve been talking, I have never seen that side, until yesterday.

So, when I got busy and didn’t have time to stop and say ‘hello’ to him, he became upset.  I told him I was busy. Fine.  He asked me if I wanted to go away with him one weekend. I said we could hang out but we weren’t going to have sex during the trip. He blew up and accused me of ‘agreeing’ to his terms previously (his terms were that if I liked him, I’d have sex with him whenever he wanted). To this, I told him that I wasn’t ready for that and if he didn’t like it, the door was on the left

(Let me say that I have already had sex with him, but when I realized that I wanted more, if not from him than someone who was worthy, I put an end to it.  At the time, we both made it clear that we weren’t together, but when I approached him on the subject of being exclusive, he said that he wanted to keep his options open. This is when I put an end to it and stopped talking to him.)

After I told him no during yesterday’s conversation, he showed the side of himself that I’d always suspected was there, but hadn’t seen. He said that if I liked him (like not love him) then there should be no boundaries between us. That he was in control. What he said goes and he was the boss. To his I told him that I don’t like to be controlled and he needed to leave me alone.  He said he wasn’t controlling me but that I needed to be guided. (Huh?) To which I said that I was done. That if he was going to act like this when we were just friend that there was no hope and I was out. He said he didn’t want to lose me, that I was the only woman he trusted and that he didn’t know how to love. He said that he’ll change and apologized for his behavior.

Now, if I had done this to him, he would’ve dropped me faster than I could count, yet, for two years, I’ve allowed him to come in and out of my live to prove (not to me but to him) that he was worthy of love.  As I said once, sometimes lessons are repeated until you get it. Do I give him another chance or is it finally (beyond) time to let go? (of course as I type this, he just sent me a ‘hello’ text. Sigh.)

 Last week, I had a dream about JB. In it, we were on a hill top. The sky was dark and people were rushing around us, preparing for an upcoming disaster. During the chaos, he left and didn’t come back (though he said he would).  A few nights later, I dreamt that the sky was bright and I couldn’t wait to be alone with my dream guy. My dream guy wasn’t JB.

 Perhaps, I’ve been looking for a reason to stay with JB instead of looking for an exit.  So now, a new song is playing in my head : “Should I stay or should I go” by the Clash.

New Release Love Burns

http://cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/loveburns.htm

In this third and final installment of the trilogy, vampire Aria discpvers that she is pregnant. Scorpio is desperate to keep her out of the clutches of the Vampire Council. But will a secret keep them apart forever?

Excerpt:

Aria gazed at the Pacific surf that crashed against the rocks below her terrace while she drained her bottle of blood. This was her favorite time of night, 3 AM. The moon hung low in the dark blue sky. And the wind blew her long, black hair around her ebony shoulders as a sudden wave of desire washed over her. It was the kind of sexy night that made her want to do something reckless. Anything was possible since she was married to one of the most powerful vampires in the world, Scorpio Stansakopolis

Wanna play a game?

Scorpio’s telepathic voice was so low that she wasn’t sure if she’ d heard him at first; though his words suggested that he had read her thoughts. Aria slowly turned from the balcony railing, preferring to gaze at him than the Pacific surf. His long, chestnut hair circled his bare, muscular chest and shoulders, where his olive-hued skin still glistened from the heat of the shower. From where she stood, she could smell the sandalwood scent of the soap he had used. Both the sight and scent made her dizzy with desire.

He leaned casually against the doorframe that separated the balcony from the sleeping chamber. His steely blue gaze washed over her ebony skin like mist, causing her dark nipples to strain against the almost transparent gown she wore. A beige towel was wrapped around his waist. Scorpio looked like the Greek God he was, or rather, the Greek Master vampire that he was. Aria inhaled a shaky breath.

What kind of game? she asked with caution.

Never ask a Master that.

His wicked smile caused her breath to hitch and told her all that she needed to know. Who knew what this vampire had up his sleeve. When, from behind his back, he produced a blindfold, Aria was momentarily taken aback. A blindfold? She thought he would’ve been more creative than that. Given the way that he had made love to her for the last twenty hours straight.

It’s not for you.

She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. Then who’s it for?

With the snap of his fingers, his bodyguards brought a bound-and-gagged Barista into the chambers and deposited him in the center of the room. The Italian vampire squirmed in his wooden chair, yelling muffled curses at the bodyguards and Scorpio. With eyes wide, she looked at Scorpio. Her husband hated him, and so did she. Aria was surprised at his choice. She had expected another female vamp, not his rival. Scorpio had told her that the Vampire Council had asked Barista to keep tabs on her husband, but why?

Since she and Scorpio had gotten together on a steamy Halloween night, Barista had been trailing and keeping tabs on them. Aria wasn’t sure why, and Scorpio was keeping his mouth closed. She guessed it may have something to do with the fact that she could still produce a child, despite being a vampire, and perhaps, the Council had gotten wind of this news. That was her fear, and she hoped that it wasn’t so.

Returning from her thoughts, Aria gasped as Scorpio dangled the blindfold from his fingers.

“Scorpio,” she protested aloud. “What…?”

With vamp speed, he closed the distance between them and silenced her question by placing his index finger over her lips. As he kissed her, he passed the blindfold to one of the guards, who tied it around the vampire’s eyes before disappearing. Scorpio pulled away to lead her into the chamber by her hand.

Barista was asked by the Vampire Council to record our transaction. This is the only way I could think of to allow that to happen. Plus, it will be fun.

She raised an eyebrow. Fun for whom?

Why, she wondered, did the Council need their lovemaking on record? And why was she going along with this? Truth be told, he could’ve suggested anything and she would’ve tried it at least once, including her previous thought of a three-way with a female vampire.

Maybe next time…

Scorpio’s velvety baritone entered her mind smoothly as he unknotted his towel and let the soft cotton flutter to the floor. He pushed her down onto Barista’s lap. Her mouth watered when she spied his cock, nestled in his curly, brown pubic hair. He was thick and long, the way she liked it. Without prompting, she brought him to her lips and slid her tongue over the tip of his cock.

Sneak Peak of The Caged Phoenix

This is a brand new story that I've been working on. The Caged Phoenix is about a dying vampire Count Cairo and his unrequited love for a phoenix named Lily. It will be a hot, interracial romance. It doesn't have a home yet, nor is it finished, but will let you know once it does...

Istanbul was beautiful at three o’clock in the morning. The silver moonlight reflected off of the black waters of the sea. The dark sky blended in to the waters, draping the horizon in a sheet of black. The streets around the Turkish lair were quiet. Only the sound of a distant barking dog, broke the silence of the peaceful scene. As he studied the landscape, Cairo was anything but serene on the inside. On the outside, he looked like the tranquil, two hundred year old vampire that he seemed to be. His dark hair hung to his broad shoulders in waves, framing his pale skin and green eyes. An unbuttoned black silk shirt and black silk pant covered his athletic frame.

            He’d build this seaside lair in his youth, after he was turned into a vampire. In its prime, the castle was host to many parties. Not anymore. This sixteen room castle was boring and empty to him now. Cairo looked down at the goblet he held in his hand, unable to finish his snack of type o blood, and tossed it over the railing. He turned and walked back inside his lair before he heard the crystal shatter against the ebony rocks. What he needed was a distraction from his thoughts and clapped his hands.  The guard brought in a belly dancer for his entertainment.

            As the dancers hips moved in rhythm to the sitar, Cairo yawned. That back and forth motion of her creamy caramel sinew should’ve hypnotized him but she didn’t. Her gold and red sarong and matching bra framed the area of her torso that he should’ve bitten by now, but he wasn’t even thirsty for her blood. Her long, coffee hair swayed just above her hip line as she turned her back to him and arched backward to peer at him. Cairo breathed in slowly. While she was breathtaking, she’d just be a plaything and nothing more. After one night, he’d just toss her aside like a pile of dirty clothing. He bitterly spit on the ground, causing the dancer to stop, confused as to his sudden mood change.

            His guards quickly ushered the dancer from the room as the music continued to play. The next dancer was rushed in to please him, but he wasn’t. While this one had the high round breasts that beg him to hold them like oranges, he just wasn’t aroused. Cairo closed his eyes.  Behind his closed lids, his mind and body were back in Paris, not in his Istanbul lair. He was seated at his usual table in the back of the upscale club, l'cage de Phoenix, The Caged Phoenix.  The red velvet curtains parted and there she was.

            Cairo whispered the name of the dancer in his fantasy. Lily. For the past twenty years, he’d watched her undulate her hips to the beat of the conga drums and for twenty years he’d tried, and failed, to find someone to replace that image. Opening his eyes, he looked at the dancer before him with disgust and dismissed her with a wave of his hand. Troubled, Cairo moved through his lair toward his sleeping chambers.  Damn it, he scolded himself. He was acting like a love sick teenager, not the handsome vampire who could have any woman in the world that he was. Frowning, he accepted a goblet of blood from his servant before going into his chamber and slamming the door closed.  

            With a sigh, he sat heavily on his king-sized bed but it was too early to sleep. Plus, Lily’s image still played behind his eyelids. Her dark chocolate skin glistened beneath the lights of the stage. Her long, black hair hung to her waist in waves. High, full breasts that he longed to touch his lips to, swayed gently with every swivel of her hips. Enchanting was the word to describe her. Though he’s watched her perform for years, he has yet to work up the nerve to talk to her. Cairo has sent her gifts anonymously; costumes, flowers, perfume, and candy yet whenever he approached her, words failed him.

            Setting his goblet on the nightstand, he reclined on the soft, black bed linens. Oh, how he wished that she were here with him. Maybe one day. Cairo ran the palms of his hand down the length of his face. This was beyond frustrating. He was a vampire, for Satan’s sake, and could have any woman in the world at the snap of his fingers. But, no, he was smitten with a phoenix. He laced his fingers behind his head and stared at the blank ceiling. It was her scent that gave her away.  While it was not forbidden for a vampire to mate with a phoenix, the fiery bird’s powers could be harvested by a vampire’s bite and used to take over the world. Contrary to belief, vampires weren’t immortal. Only the blood of a phoenix would give them eternal life.

            Cairo was nearing the end of his life and not because of natural causes. But, because of a disease he had contracted due to consuming tainted blood.  His breath became shallow at the thought of death. He had no intentions on harvesting Lily’s power. Just her body.  Would she trust him enough to let him get close to her? No, he thought. And so, he would continue to admire her from a far. Besides, he chuckled to himself as he rose from the bed to strip off his clothing and climb between the sheets, he wasn’t looking for a mate. He’d been doing just fine as a single vampire.  A woman would complicate his lifestyle of travelling and gambling.

            However, he thought as he began to cough, this illness wouldn’t let him do that anymore. He was castle ridden. His teleport was spotty at best and he didn’t have the energy to do any of the things he once loved. Cairo leaned over the side of the mattress and dry-heaved. Three months. That was all the time that he had left of his life. While he had wanted someone to share the last of his days with, the only woman he wanted to share them with was Lily. It had been months since he’d seen her and he missed her.

            He closed his eyes but opened them with a start when a new thought popped into his head. What if some other vampire or human claimed Lily before he could?  Turning onto his side, he pounded his pillow with his fist as the steel shades covered the windows. That settled it, he huffed as he laid back down. At dusk, Cairo was going to Paris to claim her before it was too late.

Nocturne is Cover of the Week on IRMC Books!

Was offline due to obligations, so I couldn't announce this them, but Nocturne won for cover of the week at IRMCbooks. com. Thank you all who voted!

Please vote for me!

The cover for my book Nocturne has been nominated for Cover of the week by IRMC books.
Please vote for me here :

http://www.irmcbooks.com/?p=464

Sneak peek : Love Burns

I've handed in three stories in less than three weeks. I was supposed to be taking a break, but no. My characters won't leave me alone. And so, I wanted to give you a sneak peek of my new WIPs, work in progress. First up, is Love Burns. The final installment of the series featuring vampires Scorpio and Aria. This will be published by Cobblestone Press. The first two Love Bleeds and Love Bites are already available and can be purchased here. http://cobblestone-press.com/catalog/author/rwshannon.htm  Enjoy.

“What was that about,” Aria asked Scorpio at breakfast the next evening.

            He was sitting at the table, pretending to read the vampire newspaper when she asked her, seemingly innocent question.  Glancing over the pages at her, he viewed her tousled onyx hair, ebony skin, and dark eyes before returning his gaze to the periodical.

            “Huh?”

            “Last night, Scorpio. Why did Barista have to record us for the council?”

            Scorpio shuffled the page and moved it up slightly to hide his face. How could he tell her that the vampire council had given him living sperm and coerced him to make love to her in an attempt to get her pregnant? He couldn’t which was why he ignored that question too. Having none of it, Aria ripped the paper from his hands and tossed it over her shoulder. Damn, he thought, that turned him on. Picking up his goblet of blood, he swirled the red elixir around before taking a sip.

            “Just wanted to please you,” he said.

            Aria frowned at him. “Please me by having a three some with your mortal enemy? And what this about the council?”

            He sighed as he sat his goblet on the table.  “I can only tell you that we are being investigated by the council.”

            “Why?”

            “Something to do with our union. They sent Barista to spy on us to make sure that we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing.”

            “Which is?”

            Scorpio kissed her. “Making a lot of love.”

            She giggled. What he said was half of the truth. He did want to risk losing her by telling her the whole thing. Pulling her to his chest, he buried his nose in the curve of her neck and inhaled. Her scent was different, lighted. Did it work? Was she…It was too soon to know for sure. Aria leaned away from him and stood.